That I am 51 and not 15!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well it's a little slow on the ol' trips board and I was on the river the other day so I figured I'd post a report on the trip even though it is a little off the kayak topic. We're all friends here anyway!
So there I was at my 11 year olds kids tobogganing party at a buddy of mine's place who lives on the river, on Kingston Row, near where the BDI bridge crosses. It's my 51st birthday and the kids are having a blast rippin' down the river bank on sleds and snowboards. They've built a couple of wicked jumps and are getting good air and it looks like a blast. So I'm thinkin' to myself that looks like fun, and hey, is has been a while since I've gone sledding. I pick up this new fangled sled/toboggan thingy, it's got a kind of a foamy top on it and some space age material that is slicker 'n shit off a shiney shovel on the bottom. I trudge to the top of the hill with my sled and survey the situation. It's a long way down allright and the kids have built 2 jumps, the first is big but the landing is where there is still a down-slope of about 45 degrees, I'm thinkin' that should soften the landing. Then there is more slope so you pick up more speed before the second jump which is once again big but the landing is on the flat of the river ice, after the landing the kids slide about halfway across the river, it's gotta be fun. So I ask one of the kids "Hey can ya steer these sleds?" He says "Yea, you just lean to one side and it turns. 'Perfect!' I think to myself. My plan is to take the first jump land it softer than a butterfly with sore feet, steer around the second jump and whistle probably 3/4 of the way across the river due to my mass being slightly greater than any of the other sledders. Yup, I'll show 'em how its done!
My buddy Jamie, who's place the party is at says "Suds, gimme your glasses", I said "Hey it's just a toboggan slide!" He says "Just give 'em to me to be safe". I say "OK" but I'm thinkin' sheesh these south enders never would have been able to cut it with my north end buddies.
So there I am at the top and I'm thinkin' again, if I take a half dozen running steps and leap onto the beginning of the slide I'll get to go even faster. I turn my hat around so it doesn't blow off and "STAND BY FOR ADVENTURE.........." OK here I go, I take about 4 giant running steps, jump, arc gracefully through the air and hit the top of the slide with some speed, ooooooph, I didn't remember hitting that hard when I was a kid. I'm cookin' now....JEEEEEeeeeeeeeeepers, this new fangled sled is fast.......here comes the jump geezitlooksbiggerthanIthought ...whoosh.......Holy shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.......Oooooooooooooph, the landing was a lot harder than I thought even if it was on the down-slope....nearly lost my hat I grab at it and stuff it back on my head....now to steer clear of the second ju......Oh Nooooooooooooooooooo............whooooosh......'slow motion, silence'....uh oh! This is gonna hurt!!!!!!!!................OOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooopppppppphhhhhhh!!!! I come crashing down on the flat part of the river ice and my fist that I am holding onto the sled with punches me in the ribs right where they meet my sternum. Muhammad Ali couldn't throw a punch that hard when he was in his prime. I'm seein' stars and I'm still streaking across the river at mach 1. I'm was doing my best guppie impersonation on the sled, as I was hurtling across the river, trying desperatly to get a little oxygen into my now nonfunctioning lungs. I finally slowed to a stop, dusted myself off and walked/limped back to the party on the riverbank. "Thanks Jamie" at least I didn't have to look for my glasses. I'm going to lay off the tobogganing till my 60th birthday. Lookin' forward to the day, off in the future, when I can once again take a full breath without my ribs hurting so much.