Just be grateful that "duct tape" sticks to kayaks better then it does to ducts.....

> I don't suppose anyone on the BB has a 'proper' list of tools for
> Kayak/Canoe building?

> This is also to let the BB know that, yes I _do_ have a sence of humor ;)

> 10 Best Tools of All Time

> Forget the Snap-On Tools truck; its never been there when you need it.
> Besides there are only 10 things in this world you need to fix any car,
> any place, any time.

> 1.Duct Tape Not just a tool, a veritable Swiss Army knife in stickum and
> plastic. It's safety wire, body material,

> radiator hose, upholstery, insulation, tow rope, and more - in an easy to
> carry package. Sure, there's prejudice

> surrounding duct tape in concours competitions, but in the real world,
> everything from LeMans-winning Porsches to

> Atlas rockets use it by the yard. The only thing that can get you out of
> more scrapes is a quarter and a phone

> booth. 2.Vice Grips Equally adept as a wrench, hammer, pliers, baling wire
> twister, breaker-off of frozen bolts and

> wiggle-it-til-it-falls-off tool. The heavy artillery of your tool box,
> vice grips are the only tool designed

> expressly to fix things screwed up beyond repair. 3.Spray Lubricants A
> considerably cheaper alternative to new doors, alternator, and other
> squeaky items. Slicker than

> pig phlegm, repeated soakings will allow the main hull bolts of the Andrea
> Doria to be removed by hand. Strangely

> enough, an integral part of these sprays is the infamous Little Red Tube
> that flies out of the nozzle if you look at

> it cross eyed (one of the 10 _worst_ tools of all time). 4.Margarine Tubs
> with Clear Lids If you spend all your time under the hood looking for a
> frendle pin that caromed off

> the pertal valve when you knocked both off the air cleaner, it's because
> you eat butter. Real mechanics consume

> pounds of tasteless vegetable oil replicas just so they can use the empty
> tubs for parts containers afterward. (Some

> of course chuck the butter-colored goo altogether or use it to repack
> wheel bearings.) Unlike air cleaners and

> radiator lips, margarine tubs aren't connected by a time/space wormhole to
> the Parallel Universe of Lost Frendle

> Pins. 5.Big Rock at the Side of the Road Block up a tire. Smack corroded
> battery terminals. Pound out a dent. Bop noisy

> know-it-all types on the noodle. Scientists have yet to develop a hammer
> that packs the raw banging power of granite

> or limestone. This is the only tool with which a "Made in
> Malaysia" emblem is not synonymous with the user's

> maiming. 6.Plastic Zip Ties After 20 years of lashing down stray hose and
> wiring with old bread ties, some genius brought a

> slightly slicked-up version to the auto parts market. Fifteen zip ties can
> transform a hulking mass of amateur-

> quality wiring from a working model of the Brazilian Rain Forest into
> something remotely resembling a wiring

> harness. Of course it works both ways. When buying a used car, subtract
> $100 for each zip tie under the hood. 7.Ridiculously Large Craftsman
> Screwdriver Let's admit it. There's nothing better for prying, chiseling,
> lifting,

> breaking, splitting or mutilating than a huge flatbladed screwdriver,
> particularly when wielded with gusto and a big

> hammer. This is also the tool of choice for all filters so insanely
> located that they can only be removed by driving

> a stake in one side and out the other. If you break the screwdriver--and
> you will just like Dad and your shop

> teacher said--who cares, it has a lifetime guarantee. 8.Baling Wire
> Commonly known as MG muffler brackets, baling wire holds anything that's
> too hot for tape or ties. Like

> duct tape, it's not recommended for concours contenders, since it works so
> well you'll never need to replace it with

> the right thing again. Baling wire is a sentimental favorite in some
> circles, particularly with the MG, Triumph, and

> flathead Ford set. 9.Bonking Stick This monstrous tuning fork with
> devilish pointy ends is technically known as a tie-rod separator, but

> how often do you separate tie-rod ends? Once every decade if you're lucky.
> Other than medieval combat, its real use

> is the all-purpose application of undue force, not unlike that of the huge
> flat-bladed screwdriver. Nature doesn't

> know the bent metal panel or frozen exhaust pipe that can stand up to a
> good bonking stick. (Can also be use to

> separate tie-rod ends in a pinch, of course, but does a lousy job of it).
> 10.A Quarter and a Phone Booth See tip #1 above.

> -- Origin regretfully unknown

> Peter Egan's Tool Dictionary

> HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
> used as a kind of divining rod to locate

> expensive car parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

> MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
> cartons delivered to your front door;

> works particularly well on boxes containing convertible tops or tonneau
> covers.

> ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their
> holes until you die of old age, but it

> also works great for drilling rollbar mounting holes in the floor of a
> sports car just above the brake line that

> goes to the rear axle.

> PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.

> HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
> principle. It transforms human energy into a

> crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its
> course, the more dismal your future

> becomes.

> VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available,
> they can also be used to transfer intense

> welding heat to the palm of your hand.

> OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting those stale garage
> cigarettes you keep hidden in the back of

> the Whitworth socket drawer (What wife would think to look in there?)
> because you can never remember to buy lighter

> fluid for the Zippo lighter you got from the PX at Fort Campbell.

> ZIPPO LIGHTER: See oxyacetelene torch.

> WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars an
> motorcycles, they are now used mainly for hiding

> six-month old Salems from the sort of person who would throw them away for
> no good reason.

> DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
> metal bar stock out of your hands so that it

> smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering
> it against the Snap-On Tool Calender over

> the bench grinder.

> WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under
> the workbench with the speed of light.

> Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar callouses in about
> the time it takes you to say, "Django

> Reinhardt."

> HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a Mustang to the ground after you
> have installed a set of Ford Motorsports

> lowered road springs, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front air
> dam.

> EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a car upward off a
> hydraulic jack.

> TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.

> PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor Chris to see if he has another
> hydraulic floor jack.

> SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for
> spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting

> dog-doo off your boot.

> E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and
> is ten times harder than any known drill

> bit.

> TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup on
> crankshaft pulleys.

> TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile
> strength of ground straps and hydraulic clutch

> lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.

> CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that
> inexplicably has an accurately machined

> screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.

> BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid
> from a car battery to the inside of your

> toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as
> you thought.

> AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

> TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop
> light, it is a good source of vitamin D,

> "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars
> at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is

> to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer
> shells might be used during, say, the

> first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light,
> its name is somewhat misleading.

> PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
> paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your

> shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round-out Phillips screw
> heads.

> AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning
> power plant 200 miles away and transforms it

> into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact
> wrench that grips rusty suspension bolts last

> tightened 40 years ago by someone in Abingdon, Oxfordshire, and rounds
> them off.

> Peter Egan [Road & Track]